so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Houston, we have a squirter
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
