I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
