Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
