My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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