Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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