How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
