remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
i drank out of a bidet.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Just puked most of my soul out..
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