I puked a lego.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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