I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
