fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
