If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
