You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
