Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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