I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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