I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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