Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
