Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
