So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
