I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
COCAINE IS GR8
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
