3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
You just made me feel so damn special
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
