I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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