toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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