Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
