I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize