There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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