Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
