I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
