I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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