Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
