I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You're earring is so big in my mouth
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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