Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
