The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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