Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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