Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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