Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Did you just see the Batmobile???
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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