the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I need to calm my uterus...
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize