i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
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