i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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