then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
