in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
