What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
