Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
