he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize