u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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