Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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