after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize