i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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