Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
