i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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