I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
