Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
