i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I deserve this hangover.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
