The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
