i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
