This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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