totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
