Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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