oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize