is your mom at the bar?
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
