you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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