Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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