seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
