I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
