I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I think your dad took our porno
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
