i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
