I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm getting married
To pizza
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize