I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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