you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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