I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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