my sisters under your porch take her home
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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