I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
