she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
