Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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