i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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