So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
