Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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